Cinderella Goes Wild!
by Sage- Dark Sentinel
Summary: AU and Anthro. Cinderpaw's being tortured by the evil apprentices. She's determined to go to the Gathering and meet Prince Breezepaw. A parody of Cinderella! NOW COMPLETE
1. Cast List

**Author's Note: **My school play was, in short, DA BOMB. It was a crazy spoof of Cinderella (both the Disney one and the traditional one). I decided to Warriors-ise the whole thing because I don't have anything else to do and I really need to spruce up my story list. So now, presenting…Cinderella, Gone Wild! And yes, everyone's an

Anthro, and there will be major OOC.

--

**Cast List**

**Cinderpaw **as** Cinderella **(It's the names, darnit!)

**Hazelpaw **as **Evil Stepmother **(But, not as her mother, though…)

**Poppypaw **as **Anastasia **(She will be OOC on a grand scale.)

**Honeypaw **as **Drizella **(Also going to be very much OOC!)

**Breezepaw **as **Prince Charming **(Um…It's _not_ going to be Cinder x Breeze though!)

**Harepaw **as **Prince Charming's Assistant **(No, it's not going to be Cinder x Hare.)

**Kestrelpaw **as **Prince Charming's Assistant **(And no, not even Cinder x Kestrel.)

**Spottedleaf **as **The Fairy Godmother **(I mean, StarClan Godmother.)

For the story, please proceed to Chapter Two.


	2. Curtain Opens

**Author's Note: **Original plot belongs to…um…whoever came up with it, and also Disney for popularizing the thing. But some of the crazy plot twists go to the group who decided to add them. And Warriors is Erin Hunter's. The whole idea to do anthros is pretty much mine too. I'll be drawing them up soon, so you can see all the visual alludes given to Disney. It's AU because I messed up what happens for real.

Also don't own 'Heart of Fire: Soul of Cinders' by xx-Starfall-xx!

--

**Curtain Opens**

Once upon a time in ThunderClan, the warrior Brackenfur had a litter with his beautiful mate, Sorreltail. They had four kits—Molekit, Poppykit, Honeykit, and Cinderkit. But soon after a falling branch killed both Sorreltail and Molekit as they were playing, and a grief-struck Brackenfur took another mate, a kind she-cat named Daisy, who had a litter of her own.

As they reached apprenticehood, Daisy returned to the horseplace to be with Smoky and Floss. Berrykit and Mousekit decided that they could not part with their mother, and decided to go with her. Hazelkit stayed and became Hazelpaw, as did Poppypaw, Honeypaw and Cinderpaw. But the trio bonded and ganged up against Cinderpaw, often getting her to do most of the more boring apprentice duties.

Sorry. They were often getting her to do _all _of the more boring apprentice duties.

Um, sorry again. They were always getting her to do _all_ of their apprentice duties.

When Hollypaw and Lionpaw began to suspect something, Cinderpaw had to cover for them or face 'punishment'. Insolence could be 'rewarded' by a public show of embarrassment, such as when Cinderpaw let slip that Hazelpaw was having a grand buffet with the tom apprentices of ShadowClan, RiverClan, WindClan and even a couple of Tribe to-bes.

The next day all of ThunderClan just so happened to find out that Cinderpaw happened to have eaten a little mouse on her first day of apprenticeship.

Life really wasn't all sunshine and rainbows for Cinderpaw.

--

"Cinderpaw, wash this and stitch it up. With your PAWS, mind, Owlpaw's really particular about that!"

Cinderpaw, dressed in a maid outfit, came hurrying over with a red plastic laundry basket. As though she was not worth a second of Honeypaw's time, she dropped a shirt with multiple rips and tears, stinking of ShadowClan, into the basket. Then Honeypaw walked away, wearing a white tube top, matching skirt and had huge diamond earrings dangling from her ears.

Everyone knew that ShadowClan only wanted more territory so they could continue their diamond mining.

"Cinderpaw, make sure you, like, go shopping and buy me, like, a new pair of high heels?"

"W-what? You've got a whole stack of high heels in your part of the den."

Meanwhile, Hollypaw was in charge of checking everyone's sections of the den to make sure they were clean. She had a checklist with her, too. Cinderpaw's—unsatisfactory, because she was too busy running errands. Honeypaw and Poppypaw's—hmm, not just satisfactory, it was excellent! As for Hazelpaw's…well, Hollypaw couldn't give it a rating because she was covered by high heels.

"Oh, Cinderpaw, you are, like, so _weird! _All of those heels were worn by, like, the worst ever she-cat in the, like, history of the Clans? Like, her name is so lousy, like, it's Minnowpaw? That is so, like, lame!" Hazelpaw dropped a shopping list into the basket and went off, all the young toms whistling at her low-cut black top and short denim shorts, and the she-cats slapping them on the face.

"Cinderpaw, could you burn all these romance novels and create a huge hole in the ozone layer? Thanks!"

The she-cat, Poppypaw, dressed in a hot pink spaghetti strap top and dark blue miniskirt with sequins all over it, dropped fifteen strangely identical romance novels into the basket. Cinderpaw managed to splutter, "I just bought these yesterday!"

Poppypaw snorted loudly. "_Ohh, I just bought these yesterday_!" she wickedly imitiated her sister's voice, and badly too. "Humph! These are so overrated, all with the same plot!" _Duh, you told me to buy 15 copies of the exact same novel_, Cinderpaw mused, but Poppypaw soon cut her out of the thoughts. "Burn them and then buy me 20 copies of the _most _popular novel for apprentices!"

"Huh?"

She groaned and smacked her sister on the forehead with one of the novels. "Duh! Have you been away for a moon? It is _Heart of Fire: Soul of Cinders _by THE most amazing author in years, xx-Starfall-xx!" With that, she dropped the unfortunate novel—which she had gushed over just yesterday, onto her sister's head. It fell off into the basket anyway. Cinderpaw exclaimed, "Gah!" and padded away.

--

Meanwhile, somewhere in WindClan, Ashfoot was fretting over her grandson Breezepaw. The Month of No Boundaries (which the authoress doesn't own and would like to request the owner's permission to use it) was coming up, and StarClan, was Ashfoot fussy over continuing the 'legacy of Windstar', as she liked to call their illustrious great-great-great-great-great-great-great…er, their distant ancestor. Unfortunately, Breezepaw didn't want to marry.

As you can imagine, that was a catastrophe of massive proportions. Note the heavy use of sarcasm, too.

Harepaw and Kestrelpaw had been selected to be his official assistants. Dressed in navy blue suits studded with badges, their eyes were continually covered with dark sunglasses, even at night. They wore fedoras to cover the bruises on their foreheads from banging into each other at night. Both cats were standing guard outside Breezepaw's section of the den.

Prince Breezepaw the Third had been given special treatment since birth. This was evident from the fact that he was still dressed in silken pyjamas with stuffed mice printed all over it, curled up in his amazingly soft bed, despite the fact that it was sunhigh. An air-conditioner was cooling his section. Ashfoot, flanked by her royal procession of Prince Crowfeather, Princess Nightcloud, Sir Tornear and Sir Weaselfur, as well as Onestar (who didn't get the same kind of love), marched up to the door.

"Halt! I must announce you!" Harepaw yowled in a well-practised 'royal' voice. His back as straight as a brand new, unchewed pencil, he opened the door and walked in. "Prince Breezepaw, Queen Ashfoot, Prince Crowfeather and Princess Nightcloud, followed by the Royal Procession, would like to request your presence." He gave an illustrious, fancy bow. Breezepaw picked his head up.

"Huh? Wazzat?"

Kestrelpaw joined his Clanmate in giving a practiced, world-weary sigh. "Ashfoot, Crowfeather, Nightcloud and the gang want to see you." Kestrelpaw gave his "commoner's speech" without any frills to it. Breezepaw gave a low moan and padded out.

"What NOW, Mom?"

--

**Author's Note: **That's where we'll stop. Now I want to know something else: Tell me, what song do YOU want me to play when Cinderpaw goes to the ball…er, Gathering, when she first meets Breezepaw? I've got some interesting choices, but I want to hear yours! I'll have everyone vote for the winning song.


	3. In Lotsa Trouble

**Author's Note: **Those are great suggestions! (-cough- Only got one suggestion.-cough-) Mind you, suggestions are still open. I want to have a good mix of soft and sappy ballads and also headbanging rock, because Breezepaw has a strange taste in music. A VERY strange taste…but now, on with the show!

Some of this borrows from Margaret Peterson Haddix's take on Cinderella, in her VERY good book _Just Ella_.

--

**In Lotsa Trouble!**

"As you know, the Moon of No Boundaries is coming up and I would like you to choose a mate for yourself." Ashfoot flicked one strand of headfur out of her eyes, and then adjusted the fancy crown on her head. "And it can be any she-cat you like! Hmm, maybe a clever young ShadowClan she-cat? Or how about a beautiful RiverClan apprentice? Ooh! Or a huntress from ThunderClan?"

Breezepaw picked up one paw and opened and shut it in a this-cat-talks-too-much motion as Ashfoot, oblivious to her grandson's antics, continued gushing over the desirable traits of she-cats. The balcony overlooking WindClan's moors had lots of clean air to breathe in. That and the sounds of WindClan's commoners talking, playing and such.

Breezepaw dearly wished he could do the same. Instead, he had to stand here listening to his babbling grandmother.

Ashfoot folded her paws. "Well, I have decided we shall hold a ball at the next Gathering, so you can choose the she-cat you'd like to mate with!" In _Horton Hears a Who_-style, Breezepaw just stood there, looking indifferent. Suddenly Ashfoot placed a paw on his shoulder. "I'm so glad we had this talk!"

_I'm hungry_, Breezepaw thought.

--

"Now, all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather below the Highledge!"

The Highledge here was also a balcony above Firestar's headquarters. The said cats gathered and then stared up at him. "Well, as you know, the Gathering is tomorrow night! Yaaayy!" He clapped his paws and started dancing around in a very fairy-like fashion.

Cue cricket noise.

"Uh, okay, so I just received this little message from the WindClan leader, Ashf—er, Onestar, and I think I should read it out to you all!" He held the scroll at paw's length and began reading in a fancy tone of voice.

"Dear imbeci—er, honoured members of ThunderClan, the royal family of WindClan who is so much better than you, would like to inform you of a ball that will be held at the Gathering, to choose a mate for the kind, handsome, just, fair, handsome, son of Ashfoot and youngest heir of the Windstar line, Breezepaw. Signed, WindClan's royal scribe, Tornear." The she-cats cooed.

Cinderpaw's eyes shone. The Moon of No Boundaries let the cats throw specific parts of the warrior code out of the window. "I think I'm going to go." she said to nobody in particular. Unfortunately, Honeypaw and co were around, and Hazelpaw snorted before glaring at her. "You? At the ball?" She threw her head back and laughed.

"You might as well, like, dream about going, like, when you've finished all the chores!" added Poppypaw, laughing along with Hazelpaw.

Honeypaw stepped forward and looked Cinderpaw up and down with a very derogatory gaze. "And when you're done with the chores, you can continue dreaming about how you'll get a ballroom gown in time for the Gathering! I mean, will you really go to the ball in that old thing?" And the trio laughed like evil witches.

Cinderpaw felt her face burn. The dress had been nice once, as Brackenfur had told her it had been sewn by Sorreltail. Long seasons of fetching and carrying for her sisters and sisters' friend had reduced it to a tatty gray dress, covered in mud, slime and stuff you would not want to know about. Suddenly she leapt at Honeypaw and unsheathed her claws!

"AAAAAAHHH! Help, help, Cinderpaw's gone crazeee!"

It took Cloudtail, Brambleclaw, Dustpelt and Stormfur to wrench Cinderpaw off Honeypaw. Brambleclaw and Stormfur seized Cinderpaw by her forepaws, while Dustpelt and Cloudtail took Honeypaw to see Leafpool. The gray she-cat's chest was heaving as she took each breath. "I want to see you afterwards." Brambleclaw managed to hiss.

--

Jaypaw handed Cinderpaw a bundle of chamomile and thyme. "Here, eat these. It's for cats with too much anxiety." He meowed, and then looked at where Leafpool was administering a poultice of nettle leaves to Honeypaw's wounds. Despite a dose of poppy seeds, she was screeching her head off. A grin crept over his face. "You beat her up pretty bad."

Cinderpaw chewed on the herbs. They didn't taste very appetizing. "Really?" she meowed in a nonchalant tone of voice.

"Yeah, judging by the noise she's making, Honeypaw won't be able to go to the dirtplace, let alone the ball!"

A macabre grin spread over Cinderpaw's face.

--

"This isn't like you, Cinderpaw!" Brambleclaw watched as Firestar looked at the apprentice with the gaze of an angry headmaster. He leaned back on his swinging chair and rubbed his head tiredly. "You used to be so gentle, but now…I think I'm going to have to tell Honeypaw she can't go to the ball!"

Cinderpaw fought to keep the grin off her face.

"I don't want to see this kind of behaviour ever again—do I make myself CLEAR?" The ginger tom leaned forward. Yup, definitely a headmaster. Cinderpaw nodded resignedly, wondering if she should say, "Yes, sir."

"Good. You may exit. Brambleclaw," The tabby jumped to his paws at the mention of his name, and quickly stuffed his PlayStation Portable into his pocket. "Please escort Miss Cinderpaw to the apprentices' den, will you?" Brambleclaw saluted and began to exit the den with the small apprentice.

As soon as the duo were gone, Firestar shut the windows, slammed the doors, put the tablecloth over his fishbowl (with no fish in it), and turned back to his Spottedleaf Shrine, hidden behind a curtain. In a very creepy tone of voice, he knelt before the statue of the former ThunderClan medicine cat, and said…

"Ooh, it's just me and you, my dear…"

…After that, he stood up and made out with the life-size statue.

Jeez. I wonder how he ever became a leader of ThunderClan in the first place.

--

**Author's Note: **End! Cinderpaw should run away and become a serial killer by now…but I still need her, so no running, Cindy! You guys might think this chapter's not funny, but hey—at least I tried to inject little bits of humour into it.

The part where Firey makes out with Spottedleaf's statue is kind of based on a ghost story where a man makes a statue of his dead ex (the man has a wife), and then he actually made out with the statue too! (And the statue's hair caught in the man's neck and he died.) I dunno why it flashed in my mind.


	4. Vengeance

**Author's Note: **If I don't get any more suggestions, I'm going to have to decide myself. Please—I really want to hear what songs you want Breezepaw and Cinderpaw to dance to! But I'm definitely including the only, ONLY suggestion I got, which is Ashley Tisdale's 'Kiss the Girl'.

On with the show! Also maybe there's some hinted JayCinder.

Avril Lavigne owns the copyrights to 'Feeling Sorry for Myself'.

--

**Vengeance**

"Cinderpaw!"

From her wheelchair, Honeypaw could have two faces. One face was the oh-I-am-in-so-much-pain-feel-sorry-for-me-please-and-hate-ebil-Cinderpaw, and the other one was the face exclusive to Cinderpaw, the Cinderpaw-come-here-and-do-all-the-worst-stuff-a-cat-can-do face. Right now, Honeypaw wanted something to eat.

"I told you, this sandwich has to have the crusts cut off! How do you expect my poor delicate teeth to eat those hard crusts?!" the she-cat yowled. Sighing, Cinderpaw padded away, when Jaypaw announced, "Time for Honeypaw's medicine!"

"WHAAAATTT?! Not NOW!"

Jaypaw smiled to himself. "Here," He said, dumping a tray of leaves onto her lap. Honeypaw looked up at the tom. Jaypaw sighed. "This is comfrey; it'll bring down the swellings." He pointed to the hairy-leaved plant. "And marigold for the scratches and bites." This time the spotlight was on a bunch of heart-shaped leaves.

"And if you _still _complain I'll give you poppy seeds so you can sleep away!" Leafpool called from where she was tending to a feverish Foxkit. Cinderpaw snickered as she passed by Honeypaw, who said, "Where do you think _you're_ going? Leafpool told you to help me!"

Cinderpaw put on a persuasive tone, as though she was talking to an impertinent kit. "Why, Honeypaw, I'm going to do some battle training! Jaypaw's here to help you now, so you won't need doddery, clumsy Cinderpaw around, bye!" When Leafpool wasn't looking, Cinderpaw pulled a face at a scowling Honeypaw.

--

Rain was beginning to pelt down from the skies. Cinderpaw pulled the hood of a raincoat over her head and walked to the ShadowClan border. Ivypaw's eyes glittered as she held out a box. Cinderpaw smiled and held out a wad of mousetails. After counting them, Ivypaw shook paws with her ThunderClan colleague. "Pleasure doing business with you." she meowed.

"Yeah, whatever." Cinderpaw said, opening the box to reveal a pair of slippers made from glass, a perfect fit for Cinderpaw's feet. Ivypaw might be snobby, but there was no denying that she was a good shoemaker.

As she left, she could swear she heard the sound of wheels skidding on the ground…

_Two days ago…_

"_Ivypaw, what are you doing to Icekit?!"_

_The she-cat sneered as she pinned Icekit to the ground. "Oh, play-fighting like kits after she told me I had a terrible furstyle. Stupid runaway kit. Here, you look like a sensible she-cat! Tell her something that I can do that she can't, and I'll even do it!" Cinderpaw's mind raced as she thought up a challenge._

_Finally she smiled._

"_Ivypaw can make glass slippers a cat of my weight and height could walk and dance in without breaking. If you can do it, Ivypaw, I'll have the slippers for one night."_

_The she-cat snarled, but she wasn't beaten. "For a hundred mousetails you can rent my glass slippers. Collect them in two days' time."_

"_A _hundred_ mousetails?!"_

"_Glass doesn't come cheap."_

_Present Time_

She'd taken care of the ballroom gown too. Upon discovery of Brook's old Tribe to-be outfit, which was completely intact except for a few rips and tears ('It gets pretty tough when you're training with the Tribe.'), and had managed to patch it up with dyed excess cloth from Poppypaw and Hazelpaw's dresses.

As for her necklace, it was Hazelpaw's discarded one. In addition to this, she had added to her outfit Poppypaw's silken gloves, Hazelpaw's mask, Honeypaw's old diamond earrings and some old hair extensions. When she finally put them on and looked at herself in a mirror, she had to admit she was taken aback.

"Now for my shoes." she meowed, ducking under her bed for the small box. No! It was gone! Panicked, Cinderpaw checked under everyone's beds. It wasn't anywhere, either. Where could it have gone?

"Looking for these?"

A scream came out from the gray apprentice's mouth. Honeypaw held up a pair of glass slippers, shining in the lamplight. Behind her were her cronies, Poppypaw and Hazelpaw. A mean smile crept across the light brown tabby's face. "These are so sweet," she meowed. "But vengeance is much, much sweeter!"

Honeypaw let go of the slippers. Cinderpaw dived for them, but Gravity won the fight.

"NOOOOOOO!"

_SMASH!_

The glass slippers broke into a hundred pieces.

"Wait, those are my gloves!" Poppypaw shrieked, tugging on the gloves until they ripped. "And my mask!" Hazelpaw exclaimed. They continued tearing the gown to little shreds like attack dogs on an escaped criminal, while Honeypaw watched satisfiedly. When the dress was reduced to tatters, the she-cats wheeled their idol away.

Cinderpaw picked up the scraps of her once-stunning outfit. Nothing could be salvaged. If cats could cry, she would have flooded the lake. Leaning onto a tree stump, she gave a shriek of despair. Nothing could save her now. Except for magic, maybe? But which StarClan spirit would help her? In a small, desolate voice, she began to sing.

"_I'm feeling sorry for myself,  
Everyone is making fun of me.  
I have no friends,  
I'm a loner,  
And what else is there to do,  
But..._"

Cinderpaw picked up a branch and started twirling and dancing with it, pretending she had the looks and skills to attend the ball.

"_Feel sorry for myself,  
I'm feeling sorry for myself,  
I'm such a loner,  
I have no friends,  
What else is there to do,  
But feel sorry for myself…"_

The stars seemed to shine harder than usual, pulsing dots of light in the sky. Bluestar looked down, eyes round with intense sympathy, and said, "We need to help her."

"_No one likes me,  
I'm living on the streets,  
I have no parents,  
And I've split up with my band,  
What else is there to do,  
But..._

_Feel sorry for myself,  
I'm feeling sorry for myself,  
I'm such a loner,  
I have no friends,  
What else is there to do,  
But feel sorry for myself…"_

She threw the branch aside and resumed moaning on the tree stump. At about the same time, a shimmering spirit floated into view behind the apprentice. The spirit said only one word.

"Cinderpaw?"

**Author's Note: **Fairy Godmother here to help, yay! So…Yes, you can now request songs to be used in the course of the story. Also you might want to help me look for a video or whatever for 'Feeling Sorry for Myself", because I couldn't. It's not on YouTube. This chapter was meant to be tragedic, but I promise the humour will build up in the next chapter! Stay tuned, true believers...


	5. StarClan Godmother

Author's Note: Sorry this one took a while

**Author's Note: **Sorry this one took a while! I most certainly don't own Rihanna's 'Shut Up and Drive'. I just messed up the lyrics, but they own the real thing. Italics are the singing.

--

**StarClan Godmothers**

The gray apprentice looked up when someone called her name. And then she rubbed her eyes upon seeing a shining spectre in front of her. Then she raised one eyebrow (she would have if she had any). The spectre was still shining—the moonlight reflected off the cat's large amount of bling. The cat wore a white shirt, black capris, and diamonds.

Lots of diamonds.

The cat had pink and red gemstones attached to platinum gold rings, a shining rhinestone tailband, anklets, bracelets and a gold necklace with a huge 'S' dangling from it. In one paw she held a golden stick with a white diamond star on it. The cat grinned at her.

"You're supposed to be my _StarClan Godmother_?!"

The cat looked displeased. "Girl, that is _so _outdated. I am your very own StarClan Godmamma, Spottedleaf, and I am here to help you solve your problems, baby!" Smiling, she leaned onto the tree stump. "And what in the name of mah bling is wrong with your outfit?"

This was Spottedleaf? Cinderpaw looked even more surprised. Spottedleaf was a kind, gentle, pretty, clever, pretty, wise, helpful, and did I mention pretty, she-cat…according to Firestar. He never mentioned anything about a she-cat with so much bling on her, it hurt. Literally. "Duh, that piece of foxdung ripped it to shreds!"

"Ohhh…" Spottedleaf nodded slowly, and then smiled. "Well, your StarClan Godmamma's gonna fix that right now! I just need to remember my magic song…" Cinderpaw groaned and slammed her head against the treestump. When Spottedleaf raised her bling-covered wand in sudden realization, the song was completely unexpected.

"_I've been looking for a she-cat who qualified,  
So I thought you were the one when you cried that night.  
I'll get you a supersonic speed machine,  
With a sunroof top and a gangster lean._"

Spottedleaf turned around and touched Cinderpaw's dress with her wandtip. From the star flowed out a stream of glowing light, circling her dress and transforming it into…not a ballgown, but a tank top, miniskirt and high heels Honeypaw and co would kill for. Then she turned the treestump into a limo.

The apprentice could hardly believe her eyes. Spottedleaf smiled and placed a purple mask over her eyes.

"_So if you love it let me know, know, know,  
Come on now, what you waiting for, for, for?  
The engine's ready to explode, explode, explode,  
So start it up and watch it go, go, go…"_

"Uh, Spottedleaf? I can't drive."

Cue DJ scratching sound.

The ex-medicine cat did not seem hindered by this. Pointing to a dead vole on the freshkill pile, it turned into a handsome black tom with green eyes, dressed in a chauffeur's uniform. The tom stepped into the driver's seat, and the music returned, much to Spottedleaf's delight.

_"Take her where she wanna go, do you know what I mean?  
This is a pretty awesome limousine.  
Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?  
If you can baby boy then don't waste moonlight._

Cos it's 0 to 60 in three point five,  
Baby you got the keys—"

At this point Spottedleaf dropped the keys into the tom's waiting paw, and muttered to Cinderpaw, "The magic of my bling will be gone at midnight. You have to get home by then." Nodding, the gleeful apprentice stepped into the back seat. __

Now shut up and drive,  
Drive, drive, drive,  
Shut up and drive,  
Drive, drive, drive…"

The limousine shot off to the Island in time for the Gathering. Cinderpaw looked back at where Spottedleaf was still singing to herself, and then vanished in a cloud of stardust. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

--

Prince Breezepaw was decked out in a tuxedo loaned to him by his grandmother, Ashfoot. He was scheduled to come down later, so for the time being he lazed around in his room, playing videogames. Suddenly the screech of tyres was very audible outside, and then coos and shrieks.

Curiously he got up, walked onto the balcony, and looked down at where a very fancy limo was pulling up outside. A black tom in a chauffeur's suit walked out of the front seat and opened the door. A gray she-cat in a smoking hot outfit stepped out of it. Her eyes, a brilliant blue colour, sparkled behind the purple mask.

At this amazing sight, Breezepaw's lower jaw fell open.

Ahh, young love.

--

A silence fell over the gathered cats, and then the toms started whistling and those with mates, had their faces slapped by their angry mates. Cinderpaw, not used to the attention, pawed at the diamond necklace Spottedleaf had dangled around the apprentice's neck.

For a while the DJs, Whitewing and Birchfall, were stunned. And then Whitewing sifted through her tracks to find something suitable for the entrance of the clearly unexpected she-cat. Birchfall then pulled out something and started playing it. The cats started dancing.

"_Don't 'cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? _

_Don't 'cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?"_

--

Ashfoot looked at her magically-appearing watch nervously, and then held up a white flag. Harepaw and Kestrelpaw stood there looking nonplussed. Sighing, Ashfoot held up a blue flag and Crowfeather appeared behind her with a cue card. The cue card read, in fat black marker:

**FETCH BREEZEPAW, YOU MOUSEBRAINS!**

"Ohhhh…"

As soon as the two apprentices came back, Breezepaw between them, the emcee Blackstar grabbed his microphone from where he was seated with Snowbird and Appleleaf. (As a side note, the authoress has no idea if this is Applekit's actual warrior name) Anyway, Blackstar quickly announced, "Prince Breezepaw is here!"

TAN-TARAA, TUN-TUN-TUNNNN…TUnn…tunnnn…"This is stupid!"…tunnnn…

Trumpeting (and some speech) could be heard from Lionpaw and Jaypaw's tubas. It wasn't very impressive, but WindClan really needed to cut costs. A light smattering of applause came from around the cats. At Ashfoot's signal, a spotlight shone onto Breezepaw, who obviously was focusing on something else.

About five seconds later, the crowd's eyes followed the WindClanner's gaze, all the way to where Cinderpaw was standing. Breezepaw's knees were shaking, and his eyes were getting lost. Suddenly Bluestar and Snowfur arrived, shoved Whitewing and Birchfall out of the way, and started singing.

As another side note, the authoress would like to tell everyone who doesn't have Secrets of the Clans that Snowfur is Bluestar's sister and Whitestorm's mom.

--

**Author's Note: **I'm evil—I cut the chapter right here! The next chapter will be up…soon. I didn't know if it's funny or not.


	6. Breakup!

**Author's Note: **The chapter everyone has been waiting for! Whoo! Don't own any of the songs which have come in through reviewing…-clears throat- 'Down' by Miranda Lambert and 'Kiss the Girl' by Ashley Tisdale. And also Breezey's angst song—'Don't Speak' by Gwen Stefani. Quite a lot of singing today, huh? Oh yeah, and about that weird review on the review page…just ignore that. Seriously.

Some of this borrows from the Roald Dahl parody.

--

**Breakup!**

Bluestar and Snowfur commanded a lot of attention from the cats gathered. Apprentices who heard of Bluestar's nobleness clamoured for autographs, and Firestar was yowling for news on a certain bling-loving medicine cat. Allowing her sister to leave the stage, Snowfur sang by herself. But of course, the majority of the crowd focused on Breeze x Cinder action.

"_Down is where I'm goin',  
Pain is what I'm showin',  
Love is what I'm takin',  
Heart's what I'm breakin'…"_

Breezepaw looked almost hesitant. Ashfoot groaned and snapped her fingers…claws…whatevers…to call Crowfeather, her son. The black-gray tom saluted and pretended to crash into his offspring. "Dad!" the young tom yowled, right before he collided rather awkwardly into Cinderpaw.

The crowd went crazy.

"_Strong tom lived like a jackson hole,  
Took my heart and broke my sole.  
Left a dark place in my chest,  
I sleep but I don't rest,  
I sleep but I don't rest…"_

"My dad's crazy." Breezepaw muttered to himself, picking himself up off Cinderpaw and suddenly regaining a bout of in-characterness. "Hey, watch where you're going once in a while!" he turned to Cinderpaw, in a terrible attempt to save his face. The crowd moaned. From a tree, an OOC-ray gun hit Breezepaw's face.

The crowd went "YAAAAYYY!"

"_Down is where I'm goin',  
Pain is what I'm showin',  
Love is what I'm takin',  
Heart's what I'm breakin'…"_

"Uh…" Cinderpaw glanced up at the dazed tom, still reeling back from the effect of the author surrogate's OOC-ray gun. Birchfall and Whitewing managed to come back from being pushed out of the way and into a basement, and then pushed the siblings into the basement for a change. After a quick update on things, they played a new track.

And the crowd went "KISS HER!"

"_There you see her,  
Sitting there across the way,  
She don't got a lot to say.  
But there's something about her,  
And you don't know why,  
But you're dying to try,  
You wanna kiss the girl!_"

"I DO NOT!" Breezepaw roared. Ashfoot went up the tree with a couple of sheathed claws and swords. After some screeching and ninja-fighting, not to mention some Star Wars lightsaber dueling-style fighting, Ashfoot was the proud owner of an OOC-ray gun."_Yes, you want her,  
Look at her, you know you do,  
It's possible she wants you too.  
There's one way to ask her--  
It don't take a word, not a single word,  
Go on and kiss the girl."_

"KISS THE GIRL!" echoed the crowd. Ashfoot gave a barbaric screech and shot at Breezepaw. The WindClan deputy was a very bad shot—the neon pink ray missed and hit Thornclaw. "I LUVS YOU BRIGHTHEART!" he instaneously shouted. Cloudtail's eyes widened, he nearly choked on a cookie, and he promptly tried to strangle the rival tom with a party streamer."_Shalalalala,  
My oh my!  
Looks like the boy's too shy,  
Ain't gonna kiss the girl._"

Yet another pink ray was fired, and it hit ThunderClan's very own Firestar, who stood up and shrieked, "BLACKIE-KINS, I ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON JOO!!" Appleleaf and Snowbird went pale (Snowbird herself didn't have to try very hard) and quickly went somewhere else.

Sandstorm slapped her mate across the face, while Squirrelflight and Leafpool tried to ponder the fact that their father was in love…with a tom, of all things.

_  
_"_Shalalalala,  
Ain't that sad?  
It's such a shame,  
Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl.  
Go on and kiss the girl!"_

"KISS THE GIIIIRLLL!" responded the cats. Breezepaw groaned, but leaned in anyway. Bad timing, some might say, as a magically appearing clock tower boomed out for midnight. To everyone's surprise, Cinderpaw ran off, just as Breezepaw tried to kiss her. So he ended up falling over.

But it wasn't too bad. Cinderpaw yanked both of the uncomfortable high heels off and threw them over her shoulder, so they smacked into our rejected prince's face.

--

Somewhere in WindClan's territory, the royal counselor-cum-medicine cat, Barkface, patted Breezepaw's back. Evidence of dejection was found in the many empty tissue boxes and white sheets of tissue paper carpeting the room. Barkface shook his head, confused.

After all, the young prince had only met the she-cat of his dreams for, hmm, I dunno, ten minutes?

"Breezepaw…"

"Don't talk to me, I'm too depressed!" With that, the apprentice let out a heartrending scream that would have put any screaming unrequited lover to shame. "All I've go to remember her is her pretty high heels, those beautiful red Prada heels. WAAAAHHH!" And he buried his face into the counselor's sofa and screeched hysterically.

Then he picked his head up and started to sing in a reedy voice, broken occasionally by sniffs and wiping of tears.

"_You and me,  
We used to be together.  
Everyday, together always,  
I really feel,  
That I'm losing my best friend.  
I can't believe,  
This could be the end.  
It looks as though you're letting go,  
And if it's real,  
Well I don't want to know…"_

Breezepaw grabbed Barkface's proferred tissue and blew his nose, before breaking into the chorus."_Don't speak!  
I know just what you're saying,  
So please stop explaining,  
Don't tell me cause it hurts.  
Don't speak!  
I know what you're thinking,  
I don't need your reasons,  
Don't tell me cause it hurts…_"

And the rain poured buckets down on the crying prince of WindClan.

--

Honeypaw and Poppypaw were slumbering peacefully, but Hazelpaw was gone. While Breezepaw cried in the counselor/medicine cat den, the she-cat was dressed to kill (literally) in a ninja outfit. You see, she too had been wearing red Prada heels to the ball. Only they weren't the same size. And weren't even real Prada shoes.

The she-cat entered Breezepaw's room. Grabbing Cinderpaw's high heels, she shoved them into her knapsack, and then placed her own pair onto the exact same spot the original had been. Stifling a maniacal laugh, she climbed down the tower and to her own stretch of territory.

That was one crush gone awry.

--

**Author's Note: **Four pages in Microsoft Word, yay! Now, let's see what shall happen in the next chapter! Want a hint? Well…What I write are not sins, I write tragedies. If you listen to Panic! At the Disco, well, you might have a gist of what the next chapter's gonna be about…


	7. Kiss The Bride

**Author's Note: **This chapter took me a while to figure out. So I had a great idea: disco ball lights. The light will cause an illusion on the fur (make it colourful) and then, if you don't know who the she-cat is, basically you can't recognize her. This is why Breezepaw's going to have to search for the right fit. I'm proud of myself for finding a solution!

Do not own: Panic! At the Disco's 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies'. Some of the writing style borrows from Louis Sachar's 'Wayside School' series.

--

**Kiss the Bride**

There was a lot of fuss in the ThunderClan camp the next morning. Cinderpaw shook her head groggily. "What's up?" A newspaper was thrown into her face. The apprentice blinked before reading it, and nearly spluttered when she saw the front page. As a WindClan royal, Breezepaw had a lot of perks. One was being able to access the _Clan Diary_, the Clans' biggest tabloid newspaper.

SEARCH IS ON FOR LUCKY SHE-CAT

WindClan Royalty Searching For Owner of Heels

She skimmed the rest of the article, which detailed about the massive, Clanwide search for the owner of a pair of red Prada heels. When she finished the article, Cinderpaw felt like cheering. Getting hitched to royalty, and WindClan royalty at that, would ensure she moved to WindClan…and ditch her terrible life!

She raced to the apprentices' den to start packing.

--

Around sunhigh, a group of WindClan cats arrived at the ThunderClan border. Firestar had let them pass to search for the she-cat, though he was doubtful they would be lucky. The she-cat apprentices gathered in a huge group. Suddenly Cinderpaw pushed them aside, seemingly overconfident. "I'll go first!"

The group—made up of Barkface, Kestrelpaw, Harepaw, Breezepaw and a fretting Ashfoot—shrugged and had her put one paw forward. Barkface slipped the heel onto her paw. To Cinderpaw's surprise, it did not fit. With a small gasp of shock, she stepped backwards. Hollypaw went next. Expectedly, she didn't fit either.

Honeypaw and Poppypaw were not fits. But Poppypaw stepped forward and was a perfect fit. The group of cats cheered. "WAIT!" Everyone stopped cheering and looked at Cinderpaw, who practically had steam coming out of her ears. "You guys are really going to let Breezepaw marry this…this…piece of crowfood?!"

"Why not, she fits the shoe." Kestrelpaw gestured to where a gleeful Poppypaw was dancing around in her heels—not a very easy thing to do, but she managed. Cinderpaw glared at him. "Because _I _am the one who danced with Breezepaw!" she yowled. "Tell him!"

"AAAAHHHH!"

Falling out of a massive plot hole, the author surrogate, a grayish-white she-cat with bright blue eyes looked up at the cats and launched into an explaination. "Well, since technically Cinderpaw would have to marry Breezepaw if I'm going with the original plotline of the fairytale by Hans Christen Anderson—"

Cinderpaw cheered.

"But I'm doing a spoof of the fairytale, so you'll have to marry Poppypaw."

Cinderpaw went "WHAT!" And promptly tried attacking the author surrogate. The she-cat merely snorted and Cinderpaw found herself with pink rabbit ears. "Hey!" Dusting herself down, the author surrogate leapt back into the plot hole and continued to write the story.

"Okay. I'll marry Poppypaw." Breezepaw said.

She-cats.

--

An emergency Gathering was called that evening, to celebrate the happy union of Poppypaw and Breezepaw. Very cheesed off, Cinderpaw sat down and started singing to herself. Nothing too depressing or too optimistic now—something that expressed her rage and anger.

"_Oh, well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,  
And I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:  
__'__What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!' says a bridesmaid to a waiter,  
__'__Oh yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride will be no more.' _"

_I'd chime in with a 'Haven't you WindClanners ever heard of checking once more?'  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.  
I'd chime in, 'Haven't you WindClanners ever heard of checking once more?'  
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of..._"

Brightening up, Cinderpaw turned to look at where Poppypaw's bridesmaids, Honeypaw and Hazelpaw, were busy playing around with confetti. They should have been HER bridesmaids. But no-oo, Breezepaw had to decide on stupid, slow, clumsy Poppypaw! Though married life might not suit her so much…

"_Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically my life is saved.  
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne.  
Oh! Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically my life is saved.  
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne!"_

She was jarred out of her thoughts by a happy-sounding Pastor Oakheart. "We are all gathered here today to witness the union of Poppypaw and Breezepaw, two individuals who fell in love at the WindClan ball. If anyone does not wish to see them marry, then speak now, or forever hold your silence."

Cinderpaw didn't wish to speak.

"All right, now let's get on with it. Breezepaw, from now on your warrior name will be Breezespirit. Poppypaw, your warrior name will be Poppyheart. Breezespirit," He gestured to the tom. "Do you wish to care for your mate Poppypaw, in rain or shine or lack of prey, till death do you apart?"

"I do."

"Poppyheart, do you wish to care for your mate Breezespirit, in rain or shine or lack of prey, till death do you apart?"

She hesitated.

Everyone gasped.

"I do."

Everyone cheered. Even Cinderpaw did.

--

"And with that," the author surrogate, Leafshadow, scrawled in her notebook. "They lived happily ever after. The End! Now let's get on with the author's note. And then I can start planning the next Warriors fairytale. Hmm…"

--

**Author's Note: **Okay, so that's the end. I hoped you guys enjoye

"WAIT!"

Uh, one second. We seem to have a few, uh, technical difficulties!

--

Spottedleaf, still as decked out in bling as ever, glared at Leafshadow. "Hey! She's supposed to pay me, and I didn't even get a single mousetail!" Leafshadow snapped her claws and a bag of mousetails fell onto Spottedleaf's head, who poofed away with the mousetails.

The she-cat turned to her audience. "Okay, so that's the end. I hoped you guys enjoyed the whole thing, and now you can decide on the next Warriors fairytale. You can have Rumpelstiltskin with Sandstorm, Firestar, and Scourge, OR Sleeping Beauty with Leafpool and Crowfeather."

Suddenly another cat came and hissed into her ear.

"What, this isn't an **author's note**? You mean we're still in story form? Well, I'd better hit the 'end story' button anyway. Where is it…oh yeah! There it


	8. And The Winner Is

**Author's Note: **The following trailer should cover it.

--

**Warriors: Fairytale Number Two**

(Bear in mind that while reading, the All-American Rejects' 'Dirty Little Secret' is playing in the background).

--

_Once upon a time…_

A picture of Cinderpaw at the ball flashes onto the screen.

_You enjoyed Cinderella in Warriors form…_

The camera now zooms in on a furiously blushing Breezepaw. Then footage of the high heels being slipped onto Cinderpaw's foot. The author surrogate, Leafshadow, falling from a plot hole.

_And now, here comes another crazy fairytale._

"WE ARE THE CHAAAA-MPIIIONS!"

The camera pans out to show Crowfeather in Prince Phillip's outfit, waving his sword furiously around in the air. Suddenly Brambleclaw jumps out of nowhere and says, "Uh, Crowfeather, we haven't even begun our epic journey yet."

"Oh. I knew that."

_Starring every she-cat's dream tom from WindClan…_

_And that bossy deputy from ThunderClan._

Crowfeather's jaw drops wide open at the sight of ThunderClan's palace. Brambleclaw comes and holds his jaw up back into place. "Oh, thanks." Crowfeather says, and as soon as the two toms walk into the main hall, his jaw drops open again. Brambleclaw sighs.

_For the toms, there's the hottest medicine cat since Spottedleaf._

Leafpool is sleeping serenely on the bed, when suddenly she opens her mouth and starts snoring.

_Let's not forget a very memorable recurring cat…_

Spottedleaf, Bluestar and Yellowfang hold up pom-poms. Spottedleaf is wearing the bling from 'Cinderella Goes Wild!' and she smiles at the two other cats. "Ready?"

Yellowfang groans.

_And some beautiful song parodies._

"La la la laaa, la la, la laaa…"

The camera zooms in on Scourge, who is scrubbing himself in a bubble bath with ten rubber duckies in it. He picks up a rubber duckie. "Hello, Sammy!" he says, and presses his ear to it. Suddenly the black tom looks at the camera, screams and pulls back the pink curtain with MORE rubber duckies printed on it.

_Coming soon to a website near you…_

"I AM SPIDERCAT!"

Crowfeather promptly smacks himself on the wall and tries climbing up. He skids down with a very audible screech.

_Sleeping Beauty Gone Wild!_

The camera continues focusing onto Crowfeather, who skids down the wall and finally collapses in a heap. The song fades out and the screen goes black.

--

**Author's Note: **Aaand…cut! This should keep everyone happy while I type up Chapter One!


End file.
